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When an adult meth addict has a child taken away
Northapt |
When an adult meth addict has a
child taken away
I
wanted to thank everyone who's given me all the great feedback
so far.
I'm still trying to understand the crazy grip this drug has on
my daughter. To get a glimpse inside her mind as scary as that
might be.
My daughter has been through treatment twice and relapsed about
6 months ago (I'm guessing from when I began to see the weight
loss ) She gave birth to my granddaughter over a year ago and
was clean then.
I told her when the baby was born, if she went back out, I
wouldn't let the child be in danger. She did and I kept my
promise and phoned CPS when I was sure of a relapse and she
refused to get help. I thought it was important that someone in
her life keep their promises and now I know the baby is
safe at least.
I knew also when her mom (my ex) and two half-sisters show up
around her that she was using. All 3 have used for years and I
suspect this is a huge relapse trigger for her. She so far
hasn't been able to write off her "family" and so when in
Rome....
(I am the only member of her immediate family that has never
used drugs)
CPS (Child protective service) commented to me that they know
she loves her daughter. She even sent clothes and food to the
foster mom, something they seldom see. But her level of
functioning is so bad that she forgets when her visits are or
shows up so late she is turned away.
She refuses to go back to treatment (so far) and asked me to
support her in efforts to get clean by going to meetings only.
I'm not going to be so native and told her not to come over or
call me until she's ready to go back to treatment.
CPS noticed that she's so paranoid she told them that she KNOWS
they are following her around in a truck.!!
What I can't understand is that the instinct to parent is so
primal. so basic, how can this drug over-come a mothers love?
I'm guessing she is in so much pain over all of this, she is
just staying high as much as she can, as often as she can.. but
I'm guessing.
Thank you all for your loving and seasoned comments.
(A puzzled Father) |
Replies... |
notold
ash |
Re: When an adult meth addict has a child taken away
IMO there's no way for us normies to understand or relate to the
why's. I know I can't. I quit asking why and just try to accept
it as it is. That's hard enough to do for me.
I'd do anything for my children. I'd battle Goliath just to keep
them safe and healthy. There's no way in hell I'd ever do drugs
and risk losing my children.
I can't relate to those that do... but I do have compassion for
them... they just don't know what they're missing.
|
luve
piphany |
Re: When an adult meth addict has a child taken away
I'm sorry your life is so filled with addicts...it must be
so very tiring for you. Meth is so very puzzling-defying all
logic and love both. A mother's love seems to me to be THEE one
thing that surpasses any evil, but here you will find the
stories that show that is not true...
I love an addict that told me in the wee hours of the morn that
he would rather die with a flesh eating bacteria, be rolled into
the ditch by his fellow addicts and forgotten than get treatment
and perhaps get a lessened prison time. He is refusing treatment
even after being in the hospital for 5 days over Christmas with
his family praying and supporting him through it all...he would
rather die and be remembered as a drug addict who didn't care
about his family...than give up the drug. That just showed me
the ultimate power of meth.
But! I stand firm in my belief that there are MIRACLES and I see
them here everyday! I also believe that the addicts we know and
love do have their own loving Higher Power/God that is watching
over them and will be there when and if they look to Him.
I use the tools I have found in Alanon and Naranon to strengthen
me and the people here fill me up when I run close to empty.
Helping those who want help prepares us and heals us for when
those closest to us need us we will be ready.
Keep the faith that Goodness and Love do overpower meth starting
in us!
|
girlGone
Mild69 |
Re: When an adult meth addict has a child taken away
To me, this song comes the closest to how it feels to have a
child taken away.
Quote:
She Talks to Angels
She never mentions the word addiction
In certain company
Yes, she'll tell you she's an orphan
After you meet her family
She paints her eyes as black as night, now
Pulls those shades down tight
Yeah, she gives a smile when the pain comes,
The pain's gonna make everything alright
Says she talks to angels,
They call her out by her name
Oh yeah, she talks to angels,
Says they call her out by her name
She keeps a lock of hair in her pocket
She wears a cross around her neck
Yes, the hair is from a little boy
And the cross is someone she has not met, not yet
Says she talks to angels,
Says they all know her name
Oh yeah, she talks to angels,
Says they call her out by her name
She don't know no lover,
None that I ever seen
Yeah, to her that ain't nothing
But to me, yeah me,
It means everything
She paints her eyes as black as night now
She pulls those shades down tight
Oh yeah, there's a smile when the pain comes,
The pain's gonna make everything alright, alright yeah
She talks to angels,
Says they call her out by her name
Oh yeah-eah-eah, angels
Call her out by her name
Oh-ooh-oh-oh angels
They call her out by her name
Oh-oh, she talks to angels
They call her out
Yeah-eah-eah, they call her out
Don't you know that they call her out by her name?
I, too, have lost custody of my child.
He--soon to be 11--was 2 at the time. I feel your daughter's
pain. What's important for me to remember is that I am still a
Mommy, and that I have to build a life that I can be proud of
when he comes to find me, and that means I must have sobriety
and serenity. If/when I make something out of myself and he sees
me he'll likely think, "She made a horrible mistake when I was
young, but that doesn't define who she is. She is a good person
now, worthy of being loved."
Although it has happened nearly a decade ago, the pain is still
so fresh that sometimes I do not want to live. But suicide is
such a selfish gesture, and I owe my son (and my father) more
than that. I wouldn't want them to blame themselves or have a
bunch of unanswered questions. I think the pain is so fresh
because i had been escaping reality via drugs for so long that
I'm only relatively recently learning to cope with the full
brunt of the devastation.
I take comfort in knowing that he's being well provided for and
that his foster/now adoptive parents will not poison his mind
against me.
I wish you, your child, and granddaughter the best.
P.s. I'll share the top hurtful comments I've heard:
#1) "You can always have another one."
#2) "Even animals can protect their young."
#3) "Some people aren't fit to raise a garden, let alone a
child."
Hopefully, you or anybody else will never say such things to
your daughter... especially #1 if/when she gets clean. |
jes78 |
Re: When an adult meth addict has a child taken away
after my daughter was taken, all i did was want to get high.
when i was sober, i kept picturing the worker taking her and her
crying. it was the most terrible experience of my life.
everyone was so disappointed that i couldn't just stay clean for
the baby. i did a few times, but relapsed after my first yr and
then again. i couldn't stay clean because i wasn't doing it for
me. i had to get clean for me and me alone. in doing that i
would get my child back, so in a way i got clean so i could
experience being a mom.
i finally have her back. she's 3 yrs old and the love of my
life.
don't give up. if i can do it, she can too. trust me, no one
thought i would have my child back, and i do.
and I'm sure she is trying to numb that feeling away. losing a
child is hard.
|
NoMore
4Me |
Re: When an adult meth addict has a child taken away
Sorry to hear about your daughter and grandchild.
It's so difficult being supportive and not allow ill behaviors
to become overbearing.
Addiction sucks. Hopefully she'll stop and realize the precious
time she's is missing out with her daughter to spend time being
high.
My prayers go out to you and yours.
Much peace
|
Loraura |
Re: When an adult meth addict has a child taken away
Meth abuse = self-induced mental illness.
When it seems impossible to fathom the behavior of an active
addict, try to remember that they are functioning with current
brain damage from what happens inside the brain when meth is
used.
Quote:
asked me to support her in efforts to
get clean by going to meetings only.
You know, lots of people DO get clean and
stay clean by using recovery meetings only. I would not write
this off, and if she asks again, I would JUMP at the chance to
take her any time she asks. Even if she doesn't ask again, make
the offer. |
North
apt |
Re: When an adult meth addict has a child taken away
She's been going to meetings and all her UAs have been dirty.
She often chooses meeting halls that are questionable at best. I
have to also keep in mind that she is so gravely disabled by her
addiction, she often doesn't know what day it is and is very
paranoid. Her environment is polluted with people who use and
people who come over to buy dope. I feel inpatient is her best
bet now.
|
Loraura |
Re: When an adult meth addict has a child taken away
Sometimes going to meetings takes a while for some recovery to
sink in. Expecting her to be clean just because she's gone to a
few meetings is an expectation that will likely let you down.
In fact, any expectations you have, will likely just hurt you.
Letting go of YOUR expectations will save you a lot of
heartache.
Even if, for just that one hour, she is in a meeting, she is not
using. She is surrounded by people who have been where she is,
and are finding their way out of it.
It may take 10, 20, 100 or more meetings for her to hear what
she needs to hear to "get it".
Some people are sicker than others.
Some people need months of hearing recovery from others before
it starts to take hold.
I wouldn't give up on the meetings.
One of the meetings I attend, I generally switch cars with my
husband before I go so that our new car isn't at risk of being
stolen or vandalized. It's not a nice part of town.
But it's a damn good meeting with a lot of recovery.
|
NoMore
4Me |
Re: When an adult meth addict has a child taken away
Maybe she needs to be committed.
My sister got pretty bad once and my mom and brothers had her
committed.
I wasn't in agreement with it at the time. She did need help.
She stills drinks, not as much.
Anyway, I'm just saying if she's really that bad.
Hope things find a way of working out.
Peace,
|
free
atlast
61972 |
Re: When an adult meth addict has a child taken away
First of all, let me say that my heart goes out to you, your
daughter and your granddaughter. I will keep you all in my
prayers.
I've been an addict since I was 16 years old and I am now 34.
Meth completely destroyed me and my mind and took all I ever
had. I too lost my 3 children nearly 3 1/2 years ago. When I
continued to use, contact between us was cut out entirely 2 1/2
years ago.
Don't lose faith though. Just recently, after 21 months of
sobriety, my contact was reinstated and I got to spend Christmas
with all three of my nearly grown children (12, 13, & 16 yr.
olds). It was so wonderful, but also heartbreaking to see how
much time I have missed in their lives.
You said:
What I can't understand is that the instinct to parent
is so primal. so basic, how can this drug over-come a mothers
love? I'm guessing she is in so much pain over all of this, she
is just staying high as much as she can, as often as she can.
but I'm guessing.
Meth is powerful. Don't doubt that. But...I never stopped loving
or forgot about my children. I know that is hard to believe if
you haven't been there. I know my children have had a hard time
believing that, but it's true. We don't stop loving them. We
stop loving us. We stop loving life. We give complete control
over to the only peace that we feel in our messed up way of
thinking.
Please, don't ever make your granddaughter feel as though her
mommy doesn't love her or miss her. Let her know that she is
sick, sick, sick. When she is better, you can bet that that baby
girl is going to be the first person she works to prove herself
to.
I wish you all the best. Let me know if there is any way that I
can help you.
|
dells |
Re: When an adult meth addict has a child taken away
I am so sorry that you are hurting. I am also the parent
of an addict, and I have legal custody of my precious
granddaughter. As far as I know my daughter started using at
about age 19(1999), was clean during pregnancy(2002), started
using again when baby was 5 mos old (2003).
I tried never to demean her, nor verbally abuse her, tried not
to react to her verbal drama & rage, always took the opportunity
to let her know that when she was ready to change her life, I
would be there for her.
Finally in Aug 2005, she was attacked by her dealer & it proved
to be her "bottom", I was the person she called.
As God would have it, a friend here at KCI had given me numbers
for recovery houses just 3 days prior!! One of those numbers
proved to be our guardian angel, she came & picked up my
daughter that next morning. Daughter stayed at the recovery home
for 7 months (I refused to let her come to my home). She now has
a job, lives with me & precious little one, will celebrate 18
mos clean Jan 28!
She tells me she had tried several times to quit, but lost the
battle each time. She says that thinking of not being with her
child would throw her deeper into her addiction.
NA meetings have been so instrumental in her recovery, I would
strongly encourage you to go with your daughter to meetings if
she asks. Little granddaughter & I go to meetings with my
daughter occasionally, I hear all the time how it has taken
sometimes #'s of meetings before they "work".
When our children are using it is so hard to get through to them
that we do still love them, but ohhhhh so important! Try not to
give up on her, keep close with that precious grandchild, .....
pray, for all of you. |
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