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What to expect of someone new to recovery
Tender
heartsKS |
What to expect of someone new to recovery.
There have been a lot of questions and
discussions about early recovery, and what to 'expect' of
someone new to recovery. I think it's all too common to think
that once someone gets clean and in recovery, every thing should
be okay.
For me, the first year, it was all I could do to just stay
clean. I threw myself into meetings and working the 12 steps.
That's what it took for me to establish a firm foothold in
recovery.
Before I ever started using, I was selfish, confused, had low
self esteem, was codependent, had no patience, would rather lie
than tell the truth, I could go on and on. Once I started using,
all of these 'character defects' were just magnified a thousand
times.
Recovery is a slow process, or at least it has been for me. It
took that first year of just going to meetings and trying to
work the steps to the best of my ability before I was even able
to make a start on those 'defects' and start making changes in
my attitudes and behaviors.
I did not get sick overnight. Understandably, I did not get well
overnight either. My recovery is a lifelong process for me. The
undesirable attitudes/defects still pop up from time to time,
and I have to work on them.
To those of you who love an addict, I know we addicts create
more pain and destruction than our minds can ever grasp while in
the grip of addiction. I think the greatest gift you can give
your loved ones and
yourself is to seek recovery for yourselves, whether it
be through a program like Naranon, or counseling, or therapy.
Please be patient with us and understand there is so much damage
to repair, and we are only capable of doing so much in one day.
I will always have guilt over what I put my oldest daughter through all those
years, all the grief and suffering I created for my parents. I
also know that the greatest gift that I can give them or myself
or anyone is to continue on that road of recovery and try to
make myself just a little bit better of a person each day. When
I finally began to see the tip of the iceberg on all the
suffering and pain I created, it was overwhelming for me, and I
didn't even know where to start. That's why I kept going to
meetings and working the steps. That's where the transformation
and healing started to work for me. My greatest amends to my
loved ones have been through daily living in recovery and
changing my life for the better.
If your addict is truly sincere about recovery, miracles will
eventually happen, and you will start to see God working in
their lives and yours too.
I just felt I needed to share this as I see so many loved ones
struggling with addicts newly in recovery.
I am an addict/alkie, and have been
clean/sober since August 5, 1990. |
Replies... |
kissmy
ashlyn |
Re: What to expect of someone new to recovery.
I appreciate your post.
"When I finally began to see the tip of the iceberg on all the
suffering and pain I created, it was overwhelming for me, and I
didn't even know where to start. That's why I kept going to
meetings and working the steps."
May I ask how far into your recovery were you when you felt this
way?
What should my expectations be?
|
Juliett55 |
Re: What to expect of someone new to recovery.
This is so helpful to read. Patience is the hardest thing for
me, but reading your post is giving me more strength. |
Tender
heartsKS |
Re: What to expect of someone new to recovery..
Quote:
May I ask how far into your recovery
were you when you felt this way?
I'm pretty sure I was around one year clean
when the reality hit me that just staying clean wasn't cutting
it. Don't get me wrong, by far, the MOST important thing I do
each day is to stay clean and sober. However, recovery is so
much more, and that's when I really started to understand just
how sick I was, and that my work had only begun.
I remember I used to get so frustrated, seeing the progress that
others had made, and I just couldn't see any growth in myself.
Today, with so much more information on just what meth does to
an addict physiologically, I now understand why that first year
was SO hard for me. I was virtually taking my body to meetings,
but the mind didn't follow for a long time.
I couldn't sleep. When I did, it was a troubled, interrupted
sleep. I was scared to death to go to sleep because I had so
many using dreams. I would sleep with a light and the radio on
because the 'silence' of not living in chaos was so
uncomfortable to me. I would cry at the drop of a hat. My mood
swings were extreme. My emotions were raw.
I still remember the day I was so pissed off at my mother, and
out of the blue, it hit me that I had taken on a lot of the
behaviors/attitudes that I despised the most in my mother. I
truly believe that's when the emotional healing started to
begin. I was able to take an honest look at my own faults, and
start making changes in my life to become a better person. I
found my mother a lot more tolerable when I was able to finally
look at myself and not her! She still hasn't changed, but I
have!
Quote:
What should my expectations be?
I can't give you a solid answer to that
because each addict is different in his/her recovery, and each
loved one of an addict has differing opinions on what he/she is
willing to live with when it comes to an addict in recovery.
This I do know. The higher my expectations, the lower my
serenity. For me, with the active addict in my life (oldest
daughter, almost 29 years old now), I have zero expectations of
her. I have detached myself from her because she has no desire
to change her life.
You have to decide what you can live with and what you can't.
I was pretty much on my own support-wise from any family members
once I got out of rehab because I moved to the town where I went
to rehab. I had to or else I would have been dead within a week
either from my then husband beating me to death, or relapsing.
There was no way I could have gone back to the same environment
and stayed in recovery and been safe. My first year was meeting
after meeting after meeting, and hanging with the winners in 12
step programs.
I know, to my parents, it was frustrating because even though I
was clean and sober, they felt I was spending too much time
doing these things, when in fact, those things were exactly what
I needed to save my ass. They have chosen not to educate
themselves on addiction or how it affects the entire family.
When I first went to rehab, they were sure I didn't need to be
in there with 'those people'. (denial, and it isn't a river in
Egypt either) Today they are proud of me and grateful I have
been able to stay in recovery, but I am glad I moved to where I
did because it did put distance between me and the loved ones
who would have been 'toxic' to my recovery had I been closer.
I don't know if I've answered your questions very well, but
those are just my thoughts.
Many hugs to all of you with loved ones in recovery! |
kissmy
ashlyn |
Re: What to expect of someone new to recovery.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am trying to learn what
early recovery is like. I am so uncomfortable around my husband
because I don't trust him. |
Loraura |
Re: What to expect of someone new to recovery.
Quote:
What should my expectations be?
Expectations are just resentments under
constructions.
Not having expectations at all allows you to see things as they
are, not in comparison to how you wanted them to be. |
Penel0pe |
Re: What to expect of someone new to recovery.
Quote:
For me, the first year, it was all I
could do to just stay clean.
I remember being told how important it was
to focus completely on recovery for the first year, how
important it is not to make any major decisions, start new
relationships, or otherwise distract myself from recovery in the
first year. It was suggested to me that I would not be the same
person at a year clean as I was with a month clean - and that
was the absolute truth. I was a better, happier person at one
year clean... but I had expectations that I would be "Normal" at
a year clean - whoops...
And I remember thinking "A year is a LONG TIME!"
Now, in hindsight, I COMPLETELY understand why these things are
suggested. My first year in recovery was a combination of a
"Pink Cloud" and a rude awakening - I found KCI seven months
into recovery (Via SFJ's Site) so I could ask someone, ANYONE:
"WHEN WILL I START TO FEEL BETTER??"
Of course the answer was simple, "You'll start to feel better
when you do - everyone is different." Nothing truer has ever
been said - Here I am, creeping up on 3 years clean, still
suffering from CRS (Which gets a little better day to day,)
still having physical difficulties (Which I learned last
Wednesday are MUCH improved after chasing SFJ and the gang all
over San Francisco,) but just now seeing the light at the end of
the tunnel - I think I AM going to get my life back... or that a
new life is on it's way...
The first six months after I stopped using meth I was
unemployable - after the first 3 months meth free, I stopped
getting loaded on ANYTHING - I was finally clean! Three months
after that I was able to return to work... but that was ALL I
could do, work, eat, go to meetings, and sleep. After a year
clean, I went to a doctor who gave me wellbutrin, and that helps
a lot... right after I celebrated 2 years clean I had surgery
and lots of medical issues that I am working on to this day...
hopefully, when January 2007 rolls around I will still be clean
(Because the only day I am sure that I'll stay clean is
TODAY - I have no plans to use again, ever, but can promise to
stay clean ONLY for today..)
We all recover our lives at different rates. That first year,
though, is a tough one... so...
Quote:
What should my expectations be?
I suggest you have no expectations, as they are just
premeditated resentments. Expect nothing and you will never be
disappointed, hope for everything and some of those hopes will
become reality. |
See also:
Stages of stimulant recovery
What are the meth recovery stages?
Recovery and Treatment of Crystal Meth / Methamphetamine
Back to Crystal Meth & Methamphetamine Questions, Answers & Advice
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